Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
