I want you more than these girls want KFC
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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