To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
