I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
