When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
