Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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