FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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