Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
