girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
