Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize