I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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