And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
