I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
