Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
