yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
