I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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