I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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