Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
