ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
