Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
