I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
