Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize