I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize