Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
