ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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