i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
