I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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