she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So much rum. So many feels.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
