I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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