So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
