i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
