could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
