it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
