I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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