got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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