tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
