I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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