Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
