Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
