Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
