She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
