if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
