I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
