So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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