wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
