Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
