You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
