I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
