Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
