she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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