you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
