Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
