NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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