There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pants are for mortals
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
