Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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