You can't motorboat a personality
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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