Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
