OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's paint friendship bongs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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