I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
