Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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