Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
