So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
