Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
