Sponge bath it is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
