new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize