so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
