DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
