Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
