who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
