Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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