Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
