I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
